Ask Amy: If they were good people, they would obey coronavirus rules

DEAR AMY: I am struggling in these uncertain
times. I am finding people are showing their true colors with how
they are responding to “stay at home” orders and how the
government is trying to reduce the risk associated with the novel
coronavirus.

Columnist
Amy Dickinson (Bill Hogan/Chicago Tribune)

Unfortunately, political ideals are also being exacerbated
because of this. People who I thought were good people are now
deliberately ignoring orders, traveling across state lines, having
gatherings of more than 10 people, dismissing hygiene practices,
and posting polarizing things on social media.

I have started to block and hide these people from social media
and other virtual interactions to escape the negativity.

Clearly, I have no intent to control these people’s views and
actions, but how can I cope with this better?

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It feels as if I am losing all faith in people that I once
considered to be close friends.

Trying to Do Right

DEAR TRYING: Now is the time to adopt the axiom
“you be you†with a vengeance. In this regard, you should
continue to disengage on social media. That means disengaging from
people you disagree with, but also avoiding the bubble of anxiety
that can come from connecting with people who are enraged and
afraid.

Drop back. Read a good novel. You be you.

DEAR AMY: I moved to a new city about a year
ago. I’ve made one really great friend here, but there’s a
hitch: our incongruous approaches to timeliness.

“Sam†has been, without fail, late to everything we’ve
ever planned. His tardiness ranges from one to three hours.
Sometimes, I wait an hour and politely ask, “What’s your
ETA?†and he replies with, “Sorry, I’m just going to do 15
things and I’ll be on my way!â€

Recently, he and I were studying at his place and I got hungry,
so I said, “I’m going to go to the grocery store next door,
I’ll be back in five.â€

I would have been back in five, except he wanted to join me.
First, he had to change his contact lenses and fix his hair, and
then he started telling me this story about his mom that I didn’t
pay much attention to because I was annoyed. About 10 more things
and 25 minutes later, we finally left his place.

At the store, he spent about 30 minutes trying to decide on a
snack to purchase. I’m a very structured person and need him to
try and follow a schedule.

What makes everything worse is that he apologizes all the time
— and he is aware that his tardiness is a problem.

I’ve been told I can be abrasive, and I’d really like to
avoid conflict since he is one of my closest friends here, so I’m
not sure how to move forward.

Advice?

Annoyed!

DEAR ANNOYED!: You report: “I’m a very
structured person, and need him to try to follow a schedule.â€
Nope. That is not going to happen.

“Sam†has been Sam as long as you have been “Annoyed.â€
He is already aware of his behavior and its impact on you – and
you know this because he is constantly apologizing.

You two seem like a classic mismatch — but many great
friendships thrive despite very different temperaments.

One perspective on this is that Sam was sent into your life to
test your patience. Will you pass this test? (You seem to be
working hard on it.)

You do need to decide on some commonsense boundaries, as well as
a useful way of communicating those boundaries, including the
consequences when Sam lets you down. Don’t act annoyed or
judgmental — but do be honest with him about the impact of his
behavior on you. Will you wait an hour for him to meet you? Maybe.
Should you wait for three hours? No.

The amateur diagnostician in me believes that your friend might
have ADHD. For many adults, identifying their scattered focus and
attention challenges as ADHD (rather than a character flaw) can be
a gamechanger.

DEAR AMY: “Wondering†was a bit frazzled
about her sister’s
obsession with her and her children’s IQ scores
.

I come from a family of higher scores (mine included). In 10th
grade we were tested in school and then met with our assigned
teacher to discuss. I’ll admit I was showing off.

My teacher looked me in the eye and said, “Don’t get cocky,
kid. You got that brain from your parents. Now what you do with it
will show how smart you are. Show, don’t tell.â€

 Best Advice Ever!

DEAR BEST: Smart teacher!

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You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a
letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also
follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

Source: FS – All – Interesting – Lifestyle
Ask Amy: If they were good people, they would obey
coronavirus rules