Miss Manners: Yes, I’m still alive. Please stop ‘checking in.’

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in New York, and am
lucky to have many friends concerned for me during the pandemic
(particularly from my home country, which is far less
affected).

Judith
Martin

I say “lucky,†but initially, I was drowning in their
concern.

At one stage, I received messages from people I hadn’t heard
from for years, and requests for video calls from morning to night,
which I was unable to keep up with. At the same time, countless
“buddy check†text groups sprung up, with each social group
requiring a check-in.

I’m still working, plus many of my friends are at home and
contacting me at awkward hours. Over time, I’ve been able to
gently convince some to back off — reminding them that I’m
well, happy, still employed, have a safe home, and am an introvert
who likes isolation.

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After spending my whole workday on video calls, this introvert
really just needs some quiet time, and I don’t want to blog every
day. However, if some extroverted acquaintances don’t see a
social media post from me, they’ll send multiple messages asking
if I’m OK and attempt to call. I set my phone to do-not-disturb
after 7 p.m. so that I don’t hear the calls. They immediately
text an “RU OK?â€

However well meant, it feels really intrusive. I’m not sure
what to do, short of simply ignoring these people entirely —
which feels very rude.

The truth is, I have a really well-developed support network and
we look after each other. The presumption that these acquaintances
need to do a personal “proof of life†check on me every few
days seems absurd.

I’ve asked other friends here in NYC, and they’re
experiencing similar frustration with people back home bombarding
them with contact requests and check-ins.

What on earth can I politely say to get well-meaning people to
leave me the heck alone? It seems like a little thing, but I’m at
my wits’ end.

GENTLE READER: As if there were not enough
divisions in society already, COVID has created another: the Doing
and the Not-Doing.

In addition to worrying about the disease itself, the Not-Doing
are further oppressed by unwanted free time, which often comes at
the cost of financial stability. The Doing — a group that
includes not just first responders, but food workers, teachers,
civil servants and others — are working longer hours than ever.
The extra work is due to increased need for their services, but is
made harder by the disintegration of any sense of time:
Particularly if you are working from home, “9 a.m. to 5 p.m.â€
no longer provides any protection.

Miss Manners reminds everyone that theirs are not the only
frayed nerves. And she absolves you from responsibility for
responding to emails, phone calls and texts for some time after you
have assured your distant friends that you are grateful for their
concern, but you are healthy, and that your only problem is that
there are no longer enough hours in the day to get everything
done.

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Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,
www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or
through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication,
1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

Source: FS – All – Interesting – News 2
Miss Manners: Yes, I’m still alive. Please stop ‘checking
in.’